My Story: Lexi

I struggled with how to start this for a few days because the idea of being so upfront about something so deeply personal is obviously terrifying. However, Mariah’s purpose for this fantastic platform is to use one another’s stories to help one another, so hopefully, this can help you or someone you didn’t know was struggling.

For me, my battle with depression and anxiety started when I was 15. I tore the labrum in my shoulder in the middle of a swim meet and was sidelined from the sport I loved for close to a year. Following the surgery, I gained a lot of weight and withdrew from friends and family, because I thought I needed to go through it alone and didn’t want to burden anyone. It got to the point where I called my best friend at 2 in the morning after several months because I was terrified of the darkness I found myself in.

While I can point to that night as when I was at my lowest, depression is not a fight that is simply fought and won, but one that can continue over years. Following my freshman year at Notre Dame, I was struggling with similar issues and somehow ended up working at a camp for other-abled adults called Share. Anyone that knows me probably knows the effect that my campers had on my life. I was surrounded by people who loved and cared for the parts of me which I had tried so desperately to hide for so long.

It turns out that I am at my best when I don’t try to conceal the fact that I struggle just like everyone else. For me, my campers (and my amazing coworkers) helped me to love and accept the person that I am and recognize that my identity has never been limited to one aspect of my life but is the culmination of all of me. That does not mean the last two years have been smooth sailing by any means, but I am an infinitely happier and more open person than I ever thought I would be.